In many situations, of course, defending ourselves is the right thing to do but when the person talking smack about us is our narcissistic ex, I have found that silence on our part is the absolute – and only – way to beat him at his own game. The narcissist alienates their target from family members once again by lies and gossip. All of it hurts, but the only thing I’m responsible for is how I react and making sure my kids are protected from all of it (our son is only 2, almost 3, but my twins from a previous relationship can read). I have a story similar to your own, and I have been left with no one to open or talk to. I’m also “drama filled” “unreasonable”. To the narcissist, the purpose of a smear campaign is to bring you down while simultaneously lifting their ego. I think maybe it would be good to share stories to each other – if and when we are willing to do that (I know I have a subconscious psychological block, impairing me at times to even recall any of it). They have a way of tricking us into talking, defending, explaining…..you don’t have to play into that game anymore. The fact is that unless you’re intentionally educating yourself about toxic narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder, you can’t really understand the way a narc’s mind works. I’m here to tell you that, throughout all of the N’s smearing during and after the relationship, all we ever have to do is be quiet and be normal and the N will quickly end up looking like the piece of shit that he is. Thanks for this article and sorry for this wall of text. “A Bittersweet Good-By” (A Poem to a Narcissist), How the Married Narcissist Plays His Victims, A Narcissist Always Returns (The Hoovering), Narcissists & the Compartmentalized Life (Part 1/2), Narcissistic Partners & the Relationship Agenda, Narcissists, Cell Phones, & My FB Revenge Confession, How to Read a Narcissist (& Turn the Projection Ploy to Your Advantage), Narcissist Manipulation & Neural Linguistic Programing (NLP), Narcissists & the Sport of Seduce & Discard. Read on to know exactly how you can deal with a narcissist smear campaign and flying monkeys and live your life peacefully. She offers individual and group coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com and at NarcissisticAbuseRecovery.Online. So, you’ve found yourself under fire again, the victim of yet another apparent smear campaign – courtesy of a toxic narcissist, of course. You are more powerful than you know! Some opt to move right into a silent treatment stance. As a narcissist knows, silence can be very powerful. We respect your privacy. This video is helpful in understanding smear campaigns and how to overcome them. Connecting the dots…. You never know who your story could help! Re: 'Sorry, But Your Ex Probably Isn't a Narcissist', Covert Narcissist Discard: Does the covert…, Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching Program: Clear the Slate, do literally anything to get what they want, Why Narcissists Run ‘Smear Campaigns’: The Neurological Components, A Smear Campaign is Like Emotional Masturbation. Atkinson offers trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching and has certifications in trauma counseling, life coaching, level 2 therapeutic model, CBT coaching, integrative wellness coaching, and NLP. Not working in my case. We are now estranged from our son due to her master manipulative tactics to … Thank you so much for reading here and for sharing your story. When someone lies to and about another, they reveal their most covert core nature. If you've never been through one, consider yourself lucky. Hi DP…I would have to say that the fact that she is a woman and you work in an office of primarily women is the key to the problem. I am extremely avoidant and have inconsistent socialism because I know that I don’t have to explain (its a long story – as is every narcissistic abuse story it seems) or defend myself or justify my inability to function – from/to myself. Listen, you sound like a very honest person who believes in doing the right thing. See, most people feel empathy for others in their lives, and they’d never want to hurt someone they love. Since, throughout the relationship, you mainly kept your mouth shut about the problems you … The key, my friends, is to say NOTHING at all…not a single world…and, believe me, there will be power in your silence. And as a cherry on top, my abuser also made false accusations about my mental health by convincing police that I had schizophrenia and mental health problems in order to discredit me from exposing the truth. After 30 years of being abused by him I developed C-PTSD and I began the process of getting away from him but then he found out and decided to regain control by using police as instruments of his abuse. I have been going through this for the past 2 years regarding my youngest child’s father. Ha-ha! By talking smack around town about the discarded partner…by getting “the word out” about how horrible the ex is…the N feels pumped up and vindicated about however the relationship came to an end. I consider you a true friend. Understanding that people who smear campaign … Covert narcissists feel defective and and they, as introverts, cannot stand it when their scapegoat is doing well and happy. If you’re stuck with the narcissist because you’re co-parenting, or because he or she is your boss or mother-in-law and you just can’t go NC for some reason, the best response is to use the gray rock method – in which you literally don’t react at ALL. I spent 4 years of my life giving everything including providing a much improved financial position to CLA includung a house only to be ruthlessly discarded in an attempt to utterly destroy me spiritualky, financially, physically, emotionally…well, you know the drill,,,me the ultimate bad guy, she the poor misunderstood unfairly mistreated victim in public, major abuser and life-sucking vampire behind closed doors. And, when a kind-hearted person takes pity on the poor, injured narcissist, as they inevitably do, the narcissist feels validated and immediately understands that they’ve found a new potential target – or at the very least, a new flying monkey. Somehow, running a smear campaign provides the narcissist justification as to why we were never worthy of their presence to begin with. This strategy works, by the way, even with narcissists that are well liked and even loved in the community. As time passes, who is going to look more favorable in your eyes? A recognized expert on narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder who has studied and written extensively on narcissistic personality disorder and narcissistic abuse in toxic relationships since 2006, she has a popular narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel. People seem to have picked sides, mostly hers. One couple pulled me aside and asked if I knew who he was!! But though they recognize the moral wrongness, they equally show no concern about it as they actively work to recruit flying monkeys – people who (wittingly or not) do the narcissist’s bidding. Instead of realizing that he has … She doesn’t even talk – or want to talk – about the break-up. By continually talking smack about the … The narcissist recruits family members, (who become enablers) to help ostracise their victim. He has not to my knowledge. All I did was tell the truth, not embellish, pray and do my best to maintain my composure even while my heart broke and was ripped to shreds. Sociopath a.k.a. After you have … Up until the middle of last year I used to try to defend myself against his claims, especially as it has been very uncomfortable being around his family the few times he has seen his child. Also Visit: The only one who will know if you are truly ready to start dating after a divorce is you, but here are some things to consider before you go on that first date. Learn how your comment data is processed. When you are under libelous attack by a person who has deceived and defrauded you, there is a possibility that the person is a sociopath. The misinformation will feel unfair, but stay above it, trusting that other people will eventually see the truth just like you did. Has your narcissist subjected you to a smear campaign? It is usually all done after the fact. No one likes him and no one loves him in his estimation, so if he can't have friends or family, nobody should have friends or family. Everything he says inevitably goes out the window. She filed false DVO against me and enlisted mutual church friends and family as her flying monkeys and “witnesses” in court to testify. Since the narcissist keeps a stable of women in their stash when the time comes for them to discard you, they can move on quickly. This might begin subtly at first, as in sharing “pointed” memes and quotes, or it might be more overt, as directly calling out the victims on social media. I just wanted to let you know that I went ahead and emailed “David” for you with a copy of your post and your email address. I could not afford it since I had been blind-sided and sent packing with nothing after returning from 4 weeks away helping my sister who has stage 4 cancer. When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you. They just don’t have the balls to stand up for it…it’s a shame but it’s no reflection on you:) Stay strong…..xoxo. Throughout it all, I said not a word. Along with her solution-focused life coaching experience, Atkinson’s previous career in journalism and research helps her to offer both accurate and understandable information for survivors of abuse in a simple-to-understand way that helps to increase awareness in the narcissistic abuse recovery community. Maybe because she is a woman and I am in an office primarily of women. Does a Married Narcissist Ever Leave His Wife? But I feel like am stalked. The smear campaign is when a narcissist wants to destroy you any way they can when they can no longer control you, they will try and control how others see you, through, exaggeration, twisting the story of what they did to you, you did to them, lies, slander, spreading rumours and more. 121 Things Narcissists Say When They Are Gaslighting You, Believe it or not: This is THE Most Soul-Crushing Part of Narcissistic Abuse, The Shy or Introverted Narcissist (Video), True Survivor Stories: 28 Things a Narcissist Does When Love-Bombing (Beware! Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Should you warn the new ‘supply’ about the narcissist? If you have a lot of friends or if people like you, if you have a very loving, supportive extended family, he is going to try to ruin that. I violated the all things must be kept secret rule so the devalue process escalated rapidly and viciously into the ultimate public humiliating discard….I just did not know it yet. Survive, thrive and evolve with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support from Certified Life Coach, author and survivor Angela Atkinson. what a narcissist does when he feels threatened, narcissists don’t really see others as people. Devaluing occurs throughout the relationship in … The narcissist paints you in a misleading and toxic light using strategies including but not limited to exaggeration, instigation of rumours, slander, and lies. This usually involves some perceived offense in which the target stands up for him or her self and is rewarded with a big old case of narcissistic injury. Sociopaths have no heart, no conscience and no remorse. After the narcissist discards you, you may have mixed feelings. How did you handle it? In fact, I was so silent about him, that most people who knew both of us weren’t sure if we were really even together. So sorry! But as always, you smile as you die a little inside, bit by bit, each time your voice gets silenced…each time you are blamed and shamed for reacting to your narcissist’s emotional and verbal abuse. Apparently I’m evil and bitter about not being “chosen” and that’s why I’m “doing what [I’ve] been doing” (whatever that means). You are right, knowledge is strength and sharing is caring…. But I do need to engage in more self-care and healing. Tips To Know For Sure. The fact is that a narcissist will talk bad about us to everyone anyway– his family, our family, our kids, mutual friends, co-workers – and there’s not a whole lot we can do about it. Smear Campaign: Is a narcissist trying to ruin your rep? He uses my defense method against me with all new.people that I mwet, and because of these recordings, they all thin k I am a horrible person. This was after he and his wife encountered chronic bullying and harassment by a narcissist via smear campaigns, job loss, hacking of financial accounts and cyberstalking. In this case, silence is a foolproof solution to a very big problem and you will have finally beaten the narcissist at one of his own fucking games. I thought that if I siad really mean, nasty and heinous things to him that he woul d give up and leave.me alone. She and her witnesses had ample time to get their stories straight but each one of the six contradicted the orher wirnesses’ testimony abd the final witness actually asked the judge not to testify on her behalf. I brought no witnesses, though I had a few. The smear campaign with a narcissist ends the moment this happens… Before I answer, I think it is essential to understand how batsh*t insane and NEEDY these people are.. Narcissistic people cannot handle rejection; they cannot tolerate someone moving on with THEIR LIVES without them in it.. Narcissistic people are needy spoiled brats who need constant attention and constant validation. Covert narcissists are experts at smear campaigns because they are so subtle about devaluing others and are easily able to assume the victim role in a believable way. I guess email me – if the possibility becomes available. Her mission is to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation, and move forward into their genuine desires – into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves. The kids will figure it out and so will everyone else – and all without you ever saying a word in your defense. My own support system has betrayed me and undermined me continuously – as they either just think its ridiculous, only want to offer tough love, or want to manipulate to have their agenda played out. Let me know in the comment section! You’ve clearly taken the high road against some very, shall I say, satanic forces. The whole thing is so twisted and sickening and the police misconduct and negligence has only added to the problem. It might even be that, with a break-up on the horizon, you’re worried in advance of what you already know will certainly be one. My narcissist has experience in audio and he eacesdrkpped.and recorded.conversations. Smear campaigns are often initiated within the family unit. As someone who isn’t a toxic narcissist, this stuff doesn’t make sense to you. They are means to get under our skin. Worse, the longer the smear campaign continues, the more committed the narcissist becomes and the more outrageously he will behave. And, as painful as it is, it is less uncommon than you'd hope. This led to a petition known as “Shane’s Law” to propose a law that would legally protect victims from the underhanded bullying methods that narcissists often use to get away with emotionally harming their victims. Have you ever been the target of a smear campaign? In fact, it’ll give him or her the proper fuel s/he needs to get his next supply on the line – his very own savior. THE SMEAR CAMPAIGN - Hallmark of a Narcissist or Sociopath. The problem is that many people if not most don’t give a shit about the truth. Anti-Social Personality Disorder or Psychopath . It’s awkward at first because her ex is like the elephant in the room, having said some horrible things about her…but everyone soon gets over that. But narcissists are different – they are far more likely to engage in manipulative behavior – and for one simple reason: they will do literally anything to get what they want – and that includes maliciously lying or spreading rumors or exaggerations about you. The narcissist will point out that the victim is behaving exactly as s/he predicted, and will use the victim’s natural response to this outrageous smear campaign against him or her. A narcissist’s smear campaign usually begins prior to the discard stage of a narcissistic relationship. Other than wanting him to follow the visitation order regarding his child and telling him repeatedly that I’m frustrated that he doesn’t make any effort to see his child except for around holidays and his birthday, I haven’t done anything (no stalking, attacking his girlfriend, threats, etc). So, although I do mostly maintain a keep silent about her policy, occasionally I do talk. She is a certified trauma support coach and certified family trauma professional. They will try to charm people to boost their ego, get attention, and to use them for manipulation purposes. But the truth is this: people really don’t want to hear about your drama and they will WELCOME your silence. Yes, it is hard to do but – OMG – the rewards are amazing and they come quickly. Honestly, while exposing the narcissist to the people in his life may help some of them to get a clue and stop allowing themselves to be his narcissistic supply, it’ll only temporarily slow the narcissist down. I have said nothing and she has her flying monkeys spreading shit about me. There can be many reasons such as you seeing them for who they really are, to discredit you should you decide to expose... narcissisticandemotionalabuse.co.uk. But the best solution to deal with smear campaigns is this. When the narcissist does this, the best thing to do is to not say anything. It’s a bit like emotional masturbation, which they accomplish by manipulating other people’s relationships and creating situations in which they can triangulate people. What exactly IS a narcissist anyway? To the surprise of many victims, the narcissist’s smear campaign started long before the relationship ended, which is one of the reasons why smear campaigns are so effective and hard to defeat. Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section below this video and let’s discuss it. When you're divorcing a narcissist, there's a whole other layer of manipulation and controlling behaviors involved. Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. She just mingles with the group like she always has. Smear campaigns are a method of damage control that narcissists implement when they know they have been found out. We imagine that people hang on the narcissist’s every  word but this just isn’t true. ), Get Unstuck After Narcissistic Abuse: Your Personal Passion Plan, books on narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, narcissistic abuse recovery YouTube channel, trauma-informed narcissistic abuse recovery coaching, SPANily Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Support Groups, coaching for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse here at QueenBeeing.com, Is The Narcissist Spying On You? When you date someone or marry them when they came into your life, they literally swept you off your feet, ... Due to that trauma bond and being left with no closure the ex usually matches the narcissists smear campaign words, so the exes are often suffering from CPTSD and looking for answers, the narcissist lies about them often matches the exes … People aren’t stupid and not everyone buys into the narcissist’s shit. The everyday average person can’t imagine what it’s like to experience a smear campaign at the hands of someone they love – and that’s because, in general, people who love you would never consider such behavior. Deep down, gossip or not, the truth really does shine through to all these idiots. We have no mutial friends or family left. It's called soul murder on-line, and I agree it feels like that. All rights reserved. It should be noted that not every narcissist engages in a smear campaign. While the narcissist is telling those close to him or her how poorly you are treating them, they are grooming their new target. I like virtually all people and I'm … Subscribe and get a special email series from Angie – packed with free gifts to help you heal and evolve! A common smear campaign might involve portraying the former victim as some sort of crazy, bipolar, addict, alcoholic, unstable, good digger, thief, cheater, or bad parent. Sadly, this behavior is entirely normal for toxic narcissists. Even if you disengage from any interaction with the narc, the war may continue. Eventually, he will have to stop talking. When we dump a narcissist or a narcissist dumps us, one of the first things that they do (to make themselves feel better) is embark on a smear campaign. Since, all through your relationship you have maintained silence on your part about the problems you were facing, no one has realized or ever thought about your problems at all. She plays the victim role to a tee and people seem to be afraid to go against her flying monkeys less they be ridiculed too. All narcissistic relationships end within the discard stage while they all start with the love bombing stage. I’m serious, even if the one half is spewing word garbage week after week that his ex is a murderer, the fact that she never utters his name and is as sweet as can be whenever you see her is going to cast doubt on everything he says. Smear campaigns. The answer is obvious. Can you please remove my name and just put my initials, thanks. We know it’s pointless. I have taken traumatizing blow after blow, from all angles, always needing to defend myself. The smear campaign is one of the oldest narcissistic tricks in the book. As the victim spirals through the pain and emotional torment of being publicly humiliated and experiencing the deepest depths of shame, betrayal and general invalidation, the narcissist feels no sadness or remorse; rather they find themselves feeling physical, emotional and psychological pleasure.  The person who talks all kind of smack about the ex or the the ex that is normal and nice and never even mentions the other one? After all, breaking up with a narcissist isn’t exactly like any other break-up or divorce on the planet. We just don’t. I can’t really give you my email in a public post – but perhaps Zari Ballard could email both of us – each others email address; as she can see more information than the average public user can. K,owlwdge is strength. Their claims sound plausible and seem to accurately reflect what’s … Unsubscribe at any time. I am working hard to discredit the stigma that has been attached to me. After the grand finale with a Narcissist expect a smear campaign to occur. Running a smear campaign somehow provides the narcissist justification as to why we were never worthy of their presence, to begin with. May God bless and give each of you strength as you navigate and heal from your own narcissistic ordeal. I felt it should remain a safe haven for all and serve its place of worship and Biblical trurh, not become a battleground or entertainment of gossip place. – Jill Blakeway . Hello. For her, it will always be me or you, and I will always lose that battle. Those of us who have just left a narcissist or have been discarded by a narcissist we know how nasty the smear campaigns can be. No one loves the narcissist unconditionally like we foolishly did. Sex, Lies and The Narcissistic Personality, Narcissistic Tactics (It’s All Smoke & Mirrors), What IS a Narcissist Anyway? They begin by embedding little seeds of doubt in other people’s minds that will eventually cause that person to think a certain way about their target. {Mrs. Zari} – you hold the power to exchange or not exchange info here…. She may even add in lies, such as you’re mentally unstable or an addict to discredit you to the listener. Secrets and Self-Loathing: Identifying a Covert Narcissist, Are you married to a narcissist? Smear campaigns. What it all comes down to is that since narcissists are virtually incapable of normal human emotional behavior, they must manufacture joy and happiness by taking a rather sadistic pleasure in being the predatory creatures they are. If you however, dare suggest they were anything less than perfection, it'll be punished as a capital crime. I know that the things he’s saying aren’t true and that the people he’s talking to about me don’t know who I am and I don’t know them, and probably never will. I am a social person, and I like people. Im an empath. in the comments section below this video and let’s discuss it. I do try to remember that articles may use the male pronouns since obviously your narc was a male and I have read your letter to male victims and am comdoetable here because my covert narcopath was female. It didn’t matter if we were together or broken up or where he was when he did it, if there were people within earshot that knew me or knew of me, he happily talked shit about me. She also has a professional PTSD counseling certification. The narcissist will project whatever image might suit their needs at the moment on to the target, and they use this to self-stroke their ego. I don’t care WHAT he is saying about you or how awful it is…just stay silent! Because in the end, the truth really does prevail and our silence allows it to happen. Together or apart, they’re always causing  drama and within the group, everyone is annoyed.  So, the couple finally breaks up and now you start seeing them each separately. Ultimately, their own reputations suffered as a result and for that I am sorry. If you look up “smear campaign” in the dictionary, you’ll find that the political version of the term matches up with the narcissistic one: “a deliberate attack on somebody, by spreading an untrue and unpleasant rumor about them, or by making an accusation intended to damage their reputation.”. Of course I did. Copyright © 2020 ZBallard. It creates plausible denial in her favor and, again, it always works! And what about when a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder such as my father extends the smear campaign to law enforcement and gets me arrested by making very serious false accusations? When a covert narcissist decides that you are too good for them they will start plotting their sinister smear campaign against you and they will smirk with satisfaction when they look at the trail of destruction they have left behind. Worse, a narcissist actually sort of “gets off” on this kind of stuff – the idea of “getting away” with something gives them something to feel excited about. Hope this may help someone. No one! BooksAngieWrote.com. We only think they do because we’re the target. By the time they have moved on to the next victim, it is too late to stop them. i am not.perfect, and I have my moments, but I am not.an evil, heinous person. See, they are people psychologists group in with the Cluster B personality disorders – and these types are known to pathologically lie, gaslight and run smear campaigns on their victims. Cuz the narcissist can smear your name, lie about the events, call you all kinds of names and castigate your character. I have known the cold stares from previously friendly people and fellow-believers I considered friends.. To them I say nothing and do my best to keep things as normal. I could not just remain silent and be falsely convicted in court. You can also subscribe without commenting. She tells people I did something terrible, like plagiarism or (fill-in-the-blanks). The narcissist will smear your name to your friends and family and possibly tries to take a head start in doing so. Unfortunately, again, this is not what CLA chooses to do, knowing I am actively engaged in several ministries at church. Quite simply, that’s what a narcissist does when he feels threatened or otherwise concerned that he might lose his narcissistic supply. And these days, one of the easiest and most effective ways to covertly bully a victim is through social media. The smear campaign is one of the oldest narcissistic tricks in the book. One day, it just kicked in that I should just stop. Overcoming A Smear Campaign By A Narcissist . I’m so sorry for the delay in responding to my comments! This means when daddy is talking smack about mommy to the kids, mommy, although she wants to, does not reciprocate. Why You Shouldn’t Defend Against A Smear Campaign. I only knew things were off and not awate she was narcissistic let alone sociopathic. Imagine that you’re part of a group and one of the couples that you know is in a tumultuous relationship. I was so wrong. You notice that the guy does NOTHING but talk shit about his ex for hours on end but when you see her, she says nothing about him at all. Our silence actually creates plausible denial in the smear, ultimately causing the truth to prevail. I've encountered this over and over with narcissists. I’ve now ended and up homeless and sleeping in my car due to the abrupt eviction and I’m also under criminal investigation while the abuser sits back and has a field day with the sucess of his deceit and games. That is when it begins, there is nothing you can do stop someone who you may not have even known was a narcissist. Rather than taking fun strolls down memory lane and laughing together, you’ll find yourself feeling like you’re literally sleeping with the enemy. Most narcissists, … But narcissists don’t really see others as people who are on the same level; to them, to put it bluntly, you are not a person. Or maybe they've left you, and you're still really,... Divorce is always difficult and life-altering.

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